Finding the Balance in Your Relationship

All relationships need balance. In your significant relationship with a partner, this balance will be a big factor in determining whether your relationship is successful.

Observe yourself in the partnership. How much emotional space do you take up? Is one person more involved than the other? Is one expressing more emotion? If one person is intense and needy while the other is uninvolved the relationship is out of whack. The emotional life of the relationship needs to be generated by two people as equally as possible; otherwise it is lopsided with both people unhappy. One is working too hard and the other feels like they can't get a break from the intensity.

If you are working too hard you prevent your partner from participating; step back. Take some time to meet your needs with others outside the relationship. Talk to friends or family or write in a journal. Ask for some of your needs to be met in the relationship but not all of them. Shift some of your emotional needs to others.

Watch for too much intensity by you and your partner. It can be exhausting over the long haul if both people generate too much drama on a regular basis. Both of you will need to tone down the emotions, needs, wants, upsets.

On the other hand, if neither person takes up any emotional space, or reaches a particular level and stays there, the relationship may be okay but there isn't any real depth. In this case, it might be a good idea to start out small and share something you haven't shared up to now. See if your partner follows you lead. If not, decide if this is the right relationship for you.