What Constitutes a Good and Healthy Marriage

Marriage is something that can be a heavenly relationship if it works and hellish if it doesn’t. So what constitutes a good marriage? There are many factors, but the most important is that the marital relationship should be able to fulfil the valid and reasonable needs and aspirations of both the partners.

The following are some of the essential conditions to be met before a marriage can be declared successful.

Feeling of Security

No marriage can succeed in the world without a feeling of security among the partners. They need a reassurance that they are important to the lives of their spouse and their presence is highly valued by the other. They should feel completely at home and fully comfortable in each other’s presence, with a genuine belief that they can rely on the other person in their moment of need.

The partners have an obligation to take care of each other and allow their spouse to grow and expand emotionally and spiritually. They have a relationship based on mutual dependence and should be able to count on each other for support in day-to-day life.

Physical Presence

After marriage, the partners are supposed to live in the same house and share the same bed. It is a very close relationship for which daily physical presence of the partners is required. The institution of marriage cannot be run by remote control over telephone or email. For it to be successful, it is essential for the partners to ensure their physical presence in the home.

If the husband or wife is always on tour out of the city on official work or does a job at another location, there is a great chance of the marriage unravelling. Absentee spouses may result in the partner living alone at home starting other romantic relationships to get rid of loneliness and gain some intimacy with another individual. The children too are adversely affected due to the absence of mother or father and their upbringing becomes lopsided. They bear a grudge for the absentee parent and the parent-child relationship weakens considerably.

Emotional Support

Life is like a roller-coaster ride with many ups and downs. There may be many days in a month when a partner is feeling depressed and run down. One of the major obligations of a spouse is to provide emotional nurturing and support to the other partner during such moments. A few soothing words of encouragement and display of affection go a long way in elevating mood and re-energising one’s spirit. No marriage can succeed without this crucial emotional nourishment provided by the partners to each other.

Mutual Trust

Mutual trust is the bedrock of a successful marital relationship. The partners need to blindly trust each other and have confidence that they will not be cheated or outsmarted by their spouse in any manner. This allows them peace of mind and they can let their guard down in the home where they can be at complete peace with themselves without any worries. A major component of this mutual trust is an obligation of the partners not to stray from the straight path and not start another romantic relationship behind their spouse’s back. Extramarital affairs shatter the bedrock on which marriage is built. Few spouses are able to tolerate infidelity of their partner. Most such cases end in divorce.

Personal Freedom

When you get married, you have many dreams and aspirations that you want fulfilled. It is the duty of the spouses to help each other grow and fulfil their desires. The relationship should not turn claustrophobic or suffocating for any partner. Spouses who are control freaks or abuse their partner emotionally or physically destroy the marriage quickly, with the latter looking for an escape route to personal freedom. The more freedom you give to your spouse in day-to-day affairs, the better is the chance of the relationship succeeding.

Good Sex

Sex is a basic human need, and it is very important for the spouses to copulate with each other regularly if there is any chance of the marriage succeeding. Unmet sexual needs are one of the biggest causes of divorce. Regular sex strengthens the relationship and releases hormones that lighten the mood and heighten the feeling of self-worth. It increases the feeling of intimacy and affection between the partners. In the absence of good sex, there is a strong chance of a partner starting an extramarital affair.

Financial Security

A good financial base is very important if a marriage has to succeed. Each partner has personal and lifestyle needs and aspirations which can only be fulfilled if there is adequate income. There are essential expenses too that have to be met regularly, such as house rent, utility bills, grocery bills and school and college fee of children. If there are insufficient funds to meet these needs, there are frequent bad blood and quarrels in the house which vitiate the atmosphere and weaken the relationship.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com