Divorce and its Contribution Towards Infertility

written by: James Walsh; article published: year 2008, month 03;

In: Root » Recreation and sport » Dating and relationships

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Infertility can be a very sensitive issue in a marriage. When two people get married, they have a lot of dreams and hopes about their future together. One of the most important dreams is to have children and feel complete as a family. Not realising this beautiful dream can make most couples feel very inadequate. This feeling of inadequacy is heightened when the couple sees other couples around them with children.

Infertility has long been recognised as an extremely stressful situation in a marriage. Our society lays so much emphasis on realising individual goals and achieving personal happiness that some couples, in their quest for these goals and happiness, wait for a very long time to have a child. However, what some couples fail to realise is the contribution of their biological clocks. According to medical research, our biological clocks slow down after the age of 30. Therefore, a couple has a higher chance of conceiving a child before the age of 30.

While some couples experience infertility-related problems due to the age factor, not all couples face the same problem. In fact, many couples are very much surprised when they find out that they cannot have a child. According to recent studies, in approximately 40% of the infertile couples, the infertility problem is related to the males. However, more than the technical cause of trouble, it is the psychological stress that creates tensions between the couple.

This tension has a compounded effect because with this stress, other problems start creeping in. For example, due to infertility-related stress, the couple may start experiencing communication problems and due to the communication breakdown the couple may not resolve issues that are not related to infertility. Therefore, even though the marital stress may start with an infertility problem, the infertility problem is bound to become a source for other marital problems. When people fail to recognise this trend, they breed a ground that is ripe for divorce.

Grieving Period Can Be Very Stressful

Many people walk out of a marriage if their partner is not able to have kids. This is mainly because the grieving period related to not having a child can be very stressful. Many experts agree that the grieving period of not having a child is similar to the grieving period when a couple loses a child. In cases of infertility, loss of a child that was imagined and wanted is as legitimate a loss as the loss of a child through miscarriage or other incidents.

Not many people are able to deal with this loss. Therefore, they become very unhappy and do not know what else to think about besides having a baby. With time, such people start feeling that no one understands their loss or their feelings, not even their own partner.

When the very partner who is unable to have a child is unable to appreciate your sentiments towards having a child, the situation is bound to get very bitter. There are times when the infertile spouse is not even ready to adopt a child. In such cases, the other spouse may have no other way to deal with his or her loss besides opting for a divorce.

Loss of Control and Self-Esteem

Infertility problems make the couple feel a loss of control. So far, all your marital problems may have been solvable; either you would have tried hard to work on the problems or you would have sought professional help. However, at the end of it, the result might have been achievable. In cases of infertility, couples feel a loss of control because no matter how precisely they follow the doctor’s instructions, the result may not be guaranteed.

This loss of control can make the couples feel very frustrated. This loss of control may also lead to loss of self-esteem. After repeated attempts, when the infertile person fails to conceive, he or she is likely to feel less valued as a spouse and might start doubting his or her manhood or womanhood. While this may not be a logical thought-process, following logic is the last thing that you can expect out of couples during such stressful times.

Communication Problems and Unhappiness with Life

The inadequate partner may become a recluse and this can create more tension in the house. Couples reach a point where they do not know how to even talk about this issue without hurting or offending their partners. This lack of communication coupled with the other sources of stress creates more tension amongst the couples.

Some couples start feeling as if their lives have no meaning anymore. Every couple starts feeling incomplete and inadequate without a child. Therefore, couples opt for a divorce during such a time to break free from the unhappiness that engulfs their lives.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com

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